It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
