you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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