Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
