Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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