I CAN MOONWALK!
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
