I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
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