No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
