I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
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