u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
