Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
