They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
stop calling my apartment porn island.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
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