what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
