Im at strip club and am horny
I wannas sexs uuuuu
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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