You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
