Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
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