hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
