New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
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