Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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