The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Randomize
