You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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