Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
Randomize
