Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
