tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
