Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I think i got beer on your cat.
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