It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
