Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
