I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
i've created a new STD.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
