like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
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