no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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