Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
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