i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize
