She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
there is glitter all over my balls
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