I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Randomize
