half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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