So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
I smell like Dick and happiness
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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