He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
