Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
