I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
