Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
