That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives�
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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