we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Randomize
