Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
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