Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
