I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
