I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Randomize
