At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
