yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Randomize
