I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
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