I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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