I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
