okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
