yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
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