the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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