I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I need water and some morals
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
