Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Randomize
