Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
not ubering you a puppy
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
